The Log Cabin
by BrittanaBandit
Summary: After Johanna has been rescued from the Capitol, a Mockingjay takes her far away from District 13 and into hiding in a cabin in the forest to help her fight her biggest battle so far. Joniss/Katanna OTP. Set just after Catching Fire although it's kind of AU.
1. Chapter 1

It was just before dawn when I heard the news that they finally rescued them from the Capitol, of course I was concerned about Peeta but I'd be lying if I said she wasn't my priority.

She once said that love was a funny thing, it wasn't as if I didn't already know but when I woke on the ship after we destroyed the arena I knew the only face I wanted to see was hers, the only life I was concerned over was her own, and when they told me they had been captured, I cried for her.

District 13 was a hotter target than ever, in all matter of truth we would never be a hundred percent sure on just how much Snow knew or just what exactly he was plotting, but we could be sure that he knew we were all here, and here was the last place I wanted her to be.

It took two days for Coin to come round to my way of thinking and agree that we should go into hiding, I'd came to accept that they would never risk '_the Mockingjay' _in the firing line, not until they had the Capitol at least, but I wasn't prepared to risk her safety either.

There was a log cabin far out under the dense shield of the forest which we would be leaving for come sunset, hidden in the deep foliage where god himself would struggle to find us. It was the closest to District 7 I could manage for her but it sure beat the white wash walls and war preparations of District 13, Coin quickly agreed that our efforts for the time being were best served as faces of the revolution and if Johanna had any chance of coming back from this, her best shot was with me.

I paced around outside the hallway which only served to increase the dull ache in my ribs before I finally entered the room to see her, it was the first time I'd laid eyes on her since we were in the arena and I wanted to be able to give her some good news after everything she had done to save my life. Part of me expected her to be fragile and soft after Haymitch told me about the condition she'd arrived in, I stopped listening to him when he got to the part where they had to sedate her because she wouldn't stop screaming.

Her eyes flickered open and she focused on me as I sat at her bed side. "We're going somewhere safe Johanna." I whispered. I took in the bruises that decorated her pale skin, the burns on her body from where they shocked her, but it was her eyes that upset me the most and made the bile from my stomach rise to the tip of my throat, they were dead now.

"_Wow, _well aren't you just my _fucking _saviour Katniss." she spat as her eyes glared at me.

I lowered my own stare as my lips curled into a frown "You saved my life Johanna and I don't know how I'm supposed to repay that debt, just tell me what you need." I implored.

"I need for you too get me some morphling, the doctors think I'm going to end up like those freaks from 6, do you think you can handle it or do you need a babysitter for that as well?" she sneered.

I stood up and grabbed a bag from the store, gathering my thoughts whilst my back was turned to her before hooking it up to her IV and sitting back down in silence until she wanted to speak.

We sat in the quietness for half an hour before she turned to face me again.

"Why are you doing this Katniss? Why do you care?" she whispered and momentarily dropped her facade as the sincerity hit me like a freight.

I had more respect for Johanna that to indulge in this moment of weakness and tell her how I feel, right now my priority was getting her back from the wherever it was she was lost.

"I already told you, you saved my life. Would you like me to put that in writing in case you need to refer back to it again?" I kept my stare and crossed my arms as she began to cackle.

She looked me in the eyes and held her gaze, the unspoken understanding of what was happening passed between us. Johanna was a lion, a warrior, a predator, she was the epitome of what a victor should be, to pity her would be an insult.

I handed her a small bag, placing it in her palm and closing her fingers around it.

"What is this?" she asked curiously.

"I made it for you, I thought it would remind you of home." I said coyly, my skin was as thick as rhino hide when it came to her sarcasm and insults, but something about the idea of her insulting this gesture frightened me.

She lifted it too her nose and breathed in before her lips began to turn into a half smile "_Pine.' _she whispered.

"They're coming for us at sunset, this isn't where you need to be right now so I've made some arrangements." I stated underneath a 'matter of fact' facade.

Her eyes glanced up to me inquisitively "Arrangements?"

I nodded, "It's nothing too big, just a cabin out in the forest about twenty miles south of here. I know it's not home but I thought you'd prefer it to being strapped to a bed, how is that going for you by the way?" I said dryly as I motioned to her wrists which were handcuffed to the frame.

She moved her hands against the restraints to demonstrate "It's going fantastic, see where choking a nurse gets you?"

"Nice, what did she do?" I tried to stifle a laugh but the look of contempt on Johanna's face tipped me over the edge.

"I had a nightmare, I'd rather not talk about it." She said with an air of finality.

I took the hint that this wasn't a subject for discussion and regained my previous composure.

We both turned as the door opened, Johanna looked at the clock and closed her eyes as her breathing grew increasingly fast before the nurse approached us with a determined stride.

"I'm sure Miss Everdeen has already told you about your new arrangements Johanna?" she asked cheerily as she checked a chart and scribbled something incessantly on the clipboard.

"Let's not beat around the bush, I know why you're here." she grimaced.

"Johanna, you have wounds all over your body that need to be cleaned, you haven't even tried the water." the nurse sighed as she wrote down a few more scribbles on the clipboard.

"_try? _I haven't _tried?!_ I spent two months strapped to a fucking chair, tortured until I begged for death and you dare to tell me I'm not trying?" she roared with rage, even I was taken aback by her anger.

The nurse frowned as she pressed the button on the wall at the side of her "you have to keep the wounds clean Johanna, the water cleans out the wounds and will help with the burns."

Before she finished her sentence three more male medic staff entered the room, it didn't take long for me to realise they were here too restrain her, or rather force her into the water.

Johanna's eyes turned from defiance to fear as she began to stutter, "No, no, please don't do this." she tried to claw back her cold composure but a few stray tears falling from her cheeks betrayed her as she strained her body against the straps holding her wrists to the bed frame.

I sat almost in shock at the scene unfolding in front of me as my 'excuse me's' went unheard.

The nurse began to fill a syringe with a sedative as Johanna's eyes turned wild and her legs and body thrashed against the restraints. "Johanna you need to calm down before you tear your stitches." she said with a sympathetic inclination.

Johanna continued to scream and fight before the nurse motioned to the men to hold her down for the sedative.

"_Katniss." _she turned to me as the tiniest of whimpers left her lungs and finally jolted me back to reality.

"Stop!" I bellowed as the scene finally grew silent and the nurse turned to my attention. "That woman right there could have gave up secrets that would have left every person in this room dead at the hands of Snow! Show her some respect!"

I moved my gaze directly into the nurse's own, "If you take another step closer to her I will physically stop you."

The nurse took a step back and placed the syringe on the side, "If those wounds on her leg get infected and she loses the leg, on your head be it."

I unfastened the restraints on her wrists as she fell into my embrace, a sob choking out of her throat as she pressed her face into the crook of my neck.

I put a reassuring hand on her back before I realised just how small and fragile she felt in my arms, "I promise you, things are going to get better, come on, let's get you cleaned up"

The next few hours were a blur of packing our few remaining things and arranging the escort to the cabin, by the time we got there it was too dark to take in any of the scenery of the forest, she'd kept a dignified silence since the incident with the nurse until we finally got into the living room and turned on the T.V to see Snow's face addressing the Capitol.

"Thank you for earlier." she said without making eye contact.

"It's nothing." I replied, "Do you want something to drink? The way the nurse spoke I'm convinced you're going to drop dead any second if you don't take these pills." I said as I offered her one out of the prescription bottle.

"I'm not taking the pills." she stated defiantly as she pushed my hand away.

"If I argue you with you, will you try and put an axe through my chest?" I tried to jest.

She cracked a cackle again as she glanced me over with her mouth open "Darling I won't_ try_, I _will_."

"Well I may just have to run that risk if you don't wash soon, you stink." I teased as I put the bottle down on the coffee table.

She looked at me with cautious eyes "Will you help me?"

I blinked a few times as I realised what she was asking me to do, before nodding slowly "Do you want to try? If it's too much then we can try again when you feel like it."

The solemn look of fear and perseverance returned to her face as she rose from the sofa and climbed the wooden stairs, the familiar pine smell of the spacious wooden cabin reminded her of the safety of home.

I ran the bath as she peaked her head around the corner of the door frame to observe what was happening. I caught her worried glance as I gestured for her to come into the bathroom.

She paused for a moment, the sound of the running water rushing through her ears like a siren. I offered her my hand and she grabbed it for support as she stepped over the threshold of the door, keeping a safe distance away from the liquid as her back pressed against the wall.

"Do you want me to leave the room?" I asked quietly as I turned off the faucet, before I could finish my sentence she interrupted me with a firm "No."

"Stay." She said firmly, her body beginning to tremble as she gripped the towel in her hand.

She removed the clothes that hung off her tiny frame, the low light highlighted the dark bruises decorating her skin and it made my heart break a little.

She edged a little closer to the tub before the tremble turned into a shake and she turned to run out of the door.

I held my arms opened wide to stop her from running, "You can do this Jo, I won't let anything happen to you." I reassured her as her spindly arms suddenly clung to my frame.

"If I told you that I'm scared will you promise not to tell anyone?" She whispered.

"I promise."

"...I'm really scared." She stuttered through a choked sob.

I squeezed her hand and kept a dignified silence, not wanting to stifle her with pity.

She stepped into the shallow bath and held back tears as the water lapped at her ankles. I think she was trying to prove a point to me that she wasn't damaged.

She lowered herself into the bath, holding my hand tightly as I cupped water in my other hand and trickled it over her wounds, I flinched every time she jolted from the contact of the liquid on her skin.

She began to talk incessantly, about which victors were the greatest of all time, which outfits she remembered tributes wearing from when she was a little girl, distracting herself from the water lapping at her body, never letting go of my hand.

I washed her hair with the suds from the shampoo, as her talking became faster and more nervous as I nudged for her to lean her head back to wash away the soap.

I was careful to not let the pool of water directly touch her head, cupping the water in my hand and working the suds out as she trembled and squeezed my hand tighter. "I'd be a laughing stock if they could see me now." she whispered.

"No, no you wouldn't." I added, "You're Johanna Mason, _the _Johanna Mason. They tried to break you and here you are, you could of sold us all out to save yourself and you didn't. They would be honoured to be in your presence if they could see you now." I comforted her.

She threw me a half smile and I felt her relax ever so slightly.

I took a palm full of water and began to trickle the liquid over the burn mark on her temple, that's when she started screaming.

She thrashed in the bath panicking herself even more as the water splashed over her body, her hands gripping the side of her head as her body contorted into painfully unnatural positions "I don't know anything, I don't know anything!" she chanted.

I forced my arms underneath her own and pulled her out of the bath, falling backwards from the momentum as she landed on top of me in a sobbing pile.

I soothed her cries as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pressed her face into my neck, I gently patted all of the water away from her bruised skin with the towel and hummed the same tune I hummed to Prim whenever she was scared.

Johanna curled into me and squeezed her arms around my neck a little tighter, "Katniss please get me out of here." she choked.

Without hesitation I carried her to the bedroom and helped her change into a shirt for bed as she trembled from shock, I grabbed the ointment from the dresser and pointed to the wound on her leg "Do you want me to do it?"

She nodded her head coyly "Please."

I cleaned her leg and dabbed the ointment onto the wound as she hissed from the sting.

"How did you get it?" I asked gently.

She scratched her head before nervously looking into my eyes "When you shock the body with high voltages of electricity there tends to be an exit wound." she said dryly.

I nodded my head slightly as we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"There's only one bedroom in the cabin, I can sleep on the sofa bed if you want some space." I sighed as I changed into my pyjamas.

"Please don't leave." she almost whimpered.

I shook my head and crawled into bed as I gestured for her to lie next to me "I'm not going to leave you, I promise you."

She turned off the light before crawling into bed, at first she lied facing away from me before I felt her nudge me to roll over and her arm drape over my waist and her body press against my back. "Just because I'm unstable doesn't mean you get to be big spoon." she muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

I tossed in my sleep until delicate fingers squeezed my arm and woke me up.

"Katniss it's just a nightmare, calm down you're safe, no one is going to hurt you." she whispered as I panted, taking in my surroundings.

"I'm okay, it's okay, go back to sleep." I whispered back, laying back down into the confines of the mattress as the steady rhythm of her breathing told me she'd already fallen asleep.

When butterflies flutter by, my mind drifts to her, strange how you can feel like you know a person so far from your grasp. The kind of woman you could write a million love stories for, pluck every star from the night sky and rearrange them to spell her name, because when she sleeps I sit awake and wonder whether the term 'the grass is always greener on the other side' has ever been applied so aptly before.

She is beautiful, smart and everything a good person should be and those are the least interesting things about her, it's not that she is a goddess amongst women, oh no, quite the opposite.

To breeze over her imperfections would be an insult because they're just as perfect as any virtue.

Maybe I find myself thinking these words because when I said hello to this perfect stranger, in her own little way she opened her arms and said 'there you are, I've been looking for you.'

I closed my eyes and smiled on that note, and by the time I awoke again I was lying in her arms across her body whilst she sat up in bed.

"Oh, I'm sorry" I said with a startle as I jumped back onto my side of the bed.

"It's fine, I was awake anyway and you started fighting in your sleep so I thought it would calm you down." she stated in her monotone tempo. I rolled back over and offered her a glass of water and a painkiller, "You should take this, you must be in pain." I offered.

"Yeah, because _you_ would know how I feel right?" She said with an unnerving stare.

"If you want act like a fucking child don't think for a second I'm going to hamper to you like those nurses. You don't want to take the pills? Fine. If this is all you want to be, just let me know and I'll get back to 13 where I can do something useful." I spat back, I didn't mean a single word of it but I hoped I'd said it with enough conviction to unnerve her defiance.

She moved her stare to the opposite blank wall as she ignored me, I moved round to her side of the bed and placed the glass and some painkillers and antibiotics on the side table, "If you don't want to take the pills I won't force you, but each second you waste fighting the people who are trying to help you, you spend disrespecting the people whose lives you took to get here." I said as I lowered my voice.

Something inside of her clicked as I saw her lips turn into a sincere frown as she contemplated what I said.

I left her to think on it as I went downstairs to make breakfast, I opened the curtains as I moved through the living room and finally took in the view of the scenery outside. _"Maybe you should ask her if she wants to go for a walk later, then you can tell her how you feel." _I thought to myself, quickly pushing it aside as I focused back to helping her get better first, starting with a decent breakfast.

The smell of eggs and bacon floated through the cabin as limping footsteps above me told me she was out of bed.

A few minutes later her head popped around the door coyly as I felt her eyes surveying me, I turned and motioned for her to sit down at the small wooden table as I placed a plate in front of her and a cup of coffee.

"I don't know how long it's been since you ate a proper meal so I thought I'd take a risk and make something other than oatmeal." I blurted as I sat opposite her.

She glanced up from her plate as she breathed in the smell and practically salivated "Maybe you're not as much of an idiot as our first encounter lead me to believe." she teased.

"Oh what, because stripping naked in front of my husband made me think you were a real smart lady?" I shot back.

She cackled again, "Katniss, who do you think you're fooling with that routine? More so the Capitol doesn't own you anymore, why do you keep pretending you were _ever_ in love with him?" she asked as she swallowed a mouthful of her breakfast.

"I-I do love him." I said nervously.

"Bullshit." she snapped, taking a sip of her coffee. "I won't have lies at the dinner table whilst I enjoy my meal."

"What do you want from me Johanna? Some kind of confession?" I asked with an accusing tone, my eyes scrutinizing her expressions as she placed her coffee cup back to the table.

"Me and Peeta are very well acquainted with each others screams you know? They tortured your husband as well and yet here you are with me. _Why_?" she asked in an equally accusing tone.

I slammed my plate onto the table causing her to jump as I washed the dishes on the side and bit my tongue from saying something I knew I would regret.

"Don't take your temper out on those plates, I can't remember the last time I ate off of a dish and I'm not going to sacrifice the privilege for you to smash them all." she laughed to herself as she chewed the bacon.

I span around on me heels and spat through gritted teeth "You know nothing, _nothing, _about why it is I'm here, I'm here because I'm hiding away from my problems just as much as you are, and yes, you're right I don't love Peeta. I did what I had to do to survive. Do you want a fucking medal now?"

And then she said it, of all the terrible, evil things she could of said, she chose the worst.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

I stood in shock, of all the things she could of said to hurt me, she _apologized. _

I completely lost my nerve and turned to finish drying the dishes as a wave of clarity fell over me, _was she playing games with me?_

My heart broke a little at the thought of upsetting her, Johanna was like a child, throwing tantrums for attention because she didn't know any better. I had no right to put my baggage on her right now. _But fuck her for acting like one._

I left the kitchen without saying a word and grabbed some fresh clothes from my bag as I made my way to hide in the bedroom away from her unnervingly astute senses.

I sat in front of the mirror in my underwear as I studied the bruises across my body, specifically the black bruise and cut that spread across my ribs that never seemed to relent as I swallowed back a grunt as the familiar burning pain from the wound tore through me as I dabbed it with ointment.

The door creaked open before I could cover up.

"Katniss I meant what I said I'm Sor- holy shit." she whispered as she saw the bruises that decorated my own skin.

I paused like a rabbit in headlights before grabbing a T-shirt and leggings as fast as I could, her mouth falling slightly open as she saw the dark mark that took up half of my side.

"Jesus Christ Katniss." she whispered again.

"It's not as bad as it looks, I promise." I reassuringly spoke slowly as I took a step closer towards her after covering the marks with the soft material of the top.

"Why didnt you say anything?" she asked quietly.

"Because you're my priority not the other way around." I fired back instantly, colder than I intended for it to sound.

She pulled my wrist towards her as she wrapped her arms around me and brushed a tendril of my brunette hair away from my face. "Of course you're a priority sweet girl." she spoke quietly but the sincerity lingered.

I trembled slightly in her arms, unsure of what to say or do as I leant my head against her shoulder.

"You saved my life, you owe me nothing." I whispered back.

"You saved mine the minute you did what you did for Rue, you shown me there was still humanity left in this _fucked up _society, I was just returning the favour." she replied.

I weeped as she mentioned Rue's name.

"Why haven't you taken your **own **pills yet you're lecturing me on taking mine?" she asked, almost gently.

"Because you need yours, I can't take mine." I sniffled through a weep.

"Why can't you take them?" she pushed.

"My dad was addicted to painkillers, that's how he died." I choked as my weep turned into a anguished cry.

She sat me down on the bed and searched through my bag until she found the pills in question "Take one." she ordered.

I shook my head I dried my wet cheeks.

"You're not your father Katniss." she tried to speak gently.

I breathed a sigh as I tilted my head towards her "They make me tired and I'm supposed to be helping you." I countered.

"I'll make you a deal, if you take yours, I'll take mine and we can pass out in a drug-haze together in bed and watch 'Fashion Fix' reruns." she whispered to me like she was telling me a state secret.

I laughed and swallowed the pill to appease her, "Johanna Mason, _the_ Johanna Mason, watches Fashion Fix?" I playfully asked.

I watched her move to the side table and take her tablets before settling in bed and patting the empty space beside her. "Yes Kat-piss. _the_ Johanna Mason likes watching 'Fashion Fix' do you think I just chop wood and kill kittens all day or something?" she joked.

"Oh no, no, I was under the impression it was puppies." I said with a deadpan face as she turned on the television at the bottom of the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

[Short chapter tonight guys, you've all been so great with reviewing this story, keep it up as it drives me to write more when I know you're enjoying it!]

We laid in each others company for hours that felt like minutes, maybe she was just being nice because the painkillers sent me soft, or maybe it was the other way around.

"You've never mentioned your family or _girlfriend_, what are they like?" I asked her, we lay quietly listening to the rambles of Caesar Flickerman on this year's best dressed as the Capitol avoided all acknowledgment of the rebels.

Her eyes hardened as she turned to face me "Youngest of seven sisters who bullied me relentlessly, my Dad was always working but my Mom was just the sweetest woman." she sighed "She was kind, sweet, nurturing and all the things I'm not, we had a dog called Fitch and he got out of the yard one day and ran in front of a car and she carried him all the way home and stayed up all night taking care of that stupid mutt." She laughed slightly as she scratched her head.

"We were really poor growing up, none of the kids at school wanted to be my friend and me and my sisters weren't really that close, but she was always there. That year winter hit us hard and we could barely afford to eat, we went to the market to get some off cuts for stew and I saw this big loaf of bread just sitting there, big enough to feed all of us for a day or two, I grabbed it and ran back to my Mom, I didn't realise anyone had noticed."

She breathed in deep and toyed with a piece of thread from the quilt between her fingers. "She took it out of my hands and started walking towards the market stall to give it back before a peacekeeper kicked her in the back of the knee and sent her to the ground. He pointed towards me and asked which one of us stole the bread, she said it was her and he shot her there and then on the ground."

I moved my hand towards hers without saying a word, leaving it as an open invitation. She paused for a moment before placing her own in my palm as we sat there in silence for a moment.

"My Dad never really forgave me for what happened to my Mom, neither did my sisters. I mean don't get me wrong we all loved each other but it was inevitable I was going to be a tribute one year or another, every time we needed food it was me who took tessarae. Once I won my games I gave them the mansion in the Victor Village and moved to the Capitol and I thought it was happily ever after for everyone, and then it was leaked to the press that I was having an improper relationship with another woman."

I paused as I waited for her to continue as everything began to make sense.

"Then what happened?" I blurted as I leaned in towards her to hear the end of the story.

"They broke into our apartment just before dawn and snatched us from bed, they made me watch whilst they tortured her until she confessed."

She lifted her hand to her mouth to capture an anguished cry that threatened to escape her chest. "They poisoned her with strychnine, gave me an axe and left me in a room alone with her. She was laying on the floor twitching, begging me for death between convulsions before I put the blade through her neck." she gritted her teeth and squeezed her fists. "I was forced into state 'therapy' and by the time I came out they'd killed my family as well."

I sat in shock as the puzzle pieces finally fitted together, no wonder she was so closed off from the world.

I moved my arms to entrap her, hold her close, keep her safe but she flinched away, taking a deep breath and burying her pain deep down in the pit of her stomach.

She turned to face me again, her cold demeanor back in full swing. "That was presumptuous anyway to assume that I liked women, what gave you that inclination?"

"I know you're from 7 and all, but even being a tree surgeon couldn't excuse the amount of plaid you wear." I rebuffed.

"You're starting to sound like my old stylist." she huffed.

I leant my head against her shoulder gently as Caesar's purple hair drew both of our attention back to the screen. "You know, you don't have to be alone Johanna. You could find love again?" I said almost hopefully.

She snorted with laughter before putting her head in my lap and staring up at me, "Katniss I haven't even found myself again since what happened, besides what could I bring to a relationship? A set of stainless steel knives?"

I smiled down at her as the light creeping through the curtained windows highlighted the soft freckles under her eyes "Maybe that's where you're going wrong, maybe you don't need a normal girl, maybe you need someone who is messed up enough to make you feel normal." I countered.

"Katniss, a little over two months ago we were in an arena fighting to the death and now you're trying to set me up on a date with Effie Trinket, in all honesty, in terms of which situation I find more comfortable I'll take the former every time." she said in famous deadpan tone.

And then it happened, like something took over my body and momentarily I lost control, I leant down and kissed her ever so gently, my lips grazing against her own as I moved her fringe away from her face, cupping her jaw and pressing my forehead against her own.

I pulled back and cursed myself for what I'd just done, Johanna blinked a few times as my cheeks grew redder and the taste of her lips lingered on my own.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't of done that." I whispered.

"Don't be." she whispered back before leaning up and kissing me again, her hands pressed to the sides of my face gently as her kiss grew in intensity, her teeth nipped at my bottom lip as I fell backwards and pulled her with me, her body resting on top of my own as I felt her fingers run through my hair.


	4. Chapter 4

Clothes quickly came off as her body and hips grinded into my own, her lips trailing over my collarbone as she grabbed my wrists and pressed them above my head holding them to the mattress as her lips moved lower down my body, roughly kissing my flesh, nerves began to get the better of me as I anticipated where this was leading too.

Her hands began to move lower down my sides teasing my underwear further down my hips, before I stopped her.

"We can't do this Johanna." I stuttered as I fumbled to put my clothes back on.

"Oh come on!" She loudly sighed as I left the room.

I ran so quickly down the stairs I nearly tripped over my feet as her limping steps followed in quick pursuit.

"Katniss you need to stop being so uptight and just _go _with things! It's just a little fun!" she called after me.

I turned my head to meet her gaze as I kept the distance between us "I've never slept with anyone before and I don't want the first time to just be 'a little fun'. I'm sorry I came on to you that way, I don't know what came over me." my voice quivered slightly with a lack of conviction as her eyes scrutinized me.

"Katniss I just need us to be clear on something here, you understand that we could never be in a relationship don't you? I won't ever go there again." She stated with an air of finality.

"I'm straight." I spat as I opened the back door and sat on the step for some fresh air. I sat on the doorstep as the words settled on me _'you understand that we could never be in a relationship don't you?' _frankly I didn't understand.

"Yeah hows that been going for you?" she rebuffed with a snigger.

The lips that I'd been biting came undone as I finally bit the bait "Not great actually, but it's better than having to put an axe through a girl's throat so I guess I have that going for me, right?" I shouted.

My words took her aback slightly as she stood speechless for a moment.

"Fuck you Katniss! Don't you **ever** talk about her like that!" She screamed as she threw a plate in the direction of my head before I ducked and it shattered against the wall behind me. "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! WHAT DID I SPECIFICALLY SAY ABOUT SMASHING DISHES?!" She roared as she threw the remaining plate from the draining rack towards me as I ducked out of the back door until I heard the occasional outbursts of curse words float up stairs towards the bedroom and the door slam.

I cleaned up the broken pieces of cutlery before settling down on the sofa where I imagined I'd be sleeping for the rest of my duration in this cabin.

I lay in the wake of our destruction as my words replayed over and over in my mind, '_Why the hell would you say something like that?' _I asked myself.

"I tossed and turned on the small sofa for the rest of the evening imagining ways I could apologies or make things right, imagining the different things I could of said, imagining the different kind of destruction I'd be laying in had I not stopped her when I did.

The pacing of her footsteps above me grew quiet as the night grew on, she was asleep whilst I lay stewing in my shame, I climbed the the stairs silently to use the bathroom until I saw the crack of light creeping from underneath the bedroom door.

I assumed she'd fell asleep with light on so I crept round the door to turn it off and let her sleep in peace, but instead I found her staring at a photo album.

"Johanna, about earlier, I'm so sor-" I went to finish my sentence before she cut me off.

"Just shut up and come here." She said as she patted the space next to her.

"This was Aluna." She pointed towards the picture in the scrapbook as I sat on the bed next to her as her voice was laced with sorrow.

"She's beautiful" I added, not an ounce of fiction in my words as the woman in the picture stared back at me. Her pale blonde hair falling over her shoulder whilst she sat in Johanna's lap, holding her in an embrace as her green eyes stood out from the fuzzy tones of the picture as if she was looking right into me.

"You both look so happy." I added as I looked at the other photos on the page, a photo of her lying on Johanna's chest on what looked to be a far away beach standing out the most, never had to people looked so in love.

"You keep telling me how the people whose lives I've taken to get here should count for something, and I wish they did but they don't. The only reason I'm here, the only reason I give an ever loving fuck about this rebellion is for her. For Aluna." she trailed off into a whisper as she turned the page of the scrapbook.

"What was she like?" I asked.

She smiled as we looked at the pictures of them in brightly coloured ball gowns at official looking dinners.

"She was sweet, kind, gentle and all the things I'm not. God she was so annoying" She laughed. "If I was reading a book or watching television she'd just come and climb in my lap and steal my attention like a runt puppy." She smiled at the memory. "She used sing songs from District 3 when I woke up in the nights, I think that's what I miss the most."

"How did you cope with losing her?" I asked.

"I didn't." she swallowed. "I held her in my arms and sang her lullabies until her whispers turned to screams and ever since that axe fell they've never stopped ringing in my ears."

She wiped another tear from her cheek before composing herself.

"Why do you put up with me?" she jokingly asked.

I squeezed the hand that rested on top of the photo album.

"Dodging your plate hurling and axe throws is great cardio." I replied.

"I think I should sleep on the sofa tonight and give you some space." I suggested as I looked at the time on the television.

She looked at me with hesitant eyes as she closed the scrapbook and placed it on the side "Would you mind staying? I don't want to be alone tonight."

I nodded my head, standing up to turn off the light and close the door before climbing into bed and telling her to go sleep.

I lay awake for an hour contemplating whether I should just disregard all of these feelings, whether this was wrong, telling myself I couldn't get attached to her but then she rolled over in her sleep and rested her head on my shoulder and suddenly the idea of sleep didn't seem as frightening when she was in my arms.


End file.
